You Matter Here: Building a Community Where Everyone Belongs

Weld is loud again. We’re all learning new names. Teams are gathering on the fields, classrooms are coming back to life, and 300 students are walking these paths–some for the first time and others returning for their last year, suddenly aware of how quickly time passes. 

There is something hopeful about the beginning of a school year. We’re given another opportunity to help our students discover who they are, who they want to become, and what they can contribute to the world around them.

As we start this year, I have been thinking about this simple but powerful idea: mattering.

In her book, Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, author Jennifer Wallace describes mattering as the experience of feeling both valued and valuable. It means knowing that people care about you simply because you are you, while also knowing that your presence and contributions make a difference to others.

Helping Students See Their Worth

Growing up as an adolescent in today’s culture provides countless ways to measure themselves: grades, college acceptances, athletic results, awards, followers, likes. A steady stream of messages tells them where they stand and whether they are succeeding.

We want our students to be challenged, pursue curiosity, and discover what they can accomplish. But we also want them to know something deeper, too: Their value is not defined by their achievements, and their lives become more meaningful when they use their gifts in service of others.

Our students are surrounded by adults who know and support them in different ways. Faculty recognize when to push and when to give a break. A coach sees how their athlete responds to disappointment. A house parent notices when something seems off. In countless ways, those relationships tell our students: You matter to us. But the Holderness experience also asks something in return: How will you matter to others?

Our Jobs Program offers a simple example. Every student has a job because this community depends on everyone contributing to the community. Cleaning a common space, helping serve and clean up a meal, chopping wood for the Wood Bank, shoveling snow, or completing one of the countless tasks that keep our campus running may not feel profound, but are necessary, and the Holderness community is better because of these contributions.

There Are No Spectators at Holderness.

Our student leaders have an especially important responsibility. Younger students watch how seniors behave, whom they include, how they respond when things go wrong, and whether they put others’ needs ahead of their own.

We will ask our seniors to notice who needs an invitation to join in or who needs support–to help younger students find their footing, to hold high standards without becoming judgmental, and to understand that their example carries weight.

In other words, we will ask them to matter.

One of Holderness’s great gifts is our size. We are intentionally small, which means everyone has a chance, and a responsibility, to participate. An athlete gets the lead in a play. An artist discovers a new sport. A shy student finds a voice in Poetry Out Loud. A ninth grader works alongside a senior. These experiences help young people develop identities that are not defined by one talent, friend group, or accomplishment.

It is the essence of being known, challenged, and loved. Being known tells students they are seen, and being challenged tells them we believe they are capable of more. Being loved gives them the security to make mistakes, recover, and try again.

Mattering adds another dimension to this: You belong here and your actions here matter. That is the culture we want to build together this year. 

Culture is built in remarkably ordinary moments: saying hello while walking across campus; doing your job when no one is watching; encouraging a struggling teammate; choosing curiosity instead of judgment; seeing someone alone and asking “will you join me?”; seeing something that needs doing and asking, “how can I help?”; supporting your friends on the field or stage by being the loudest fan section. The work belongs to all of us.

Most of those moments will never earn an award, but I believe they are among the most important things our students will learn here.

So as this new year begins, I hope every student at Holderness comes to know, deeply and unmistakably: You matter here. And then I hope we challenge each of them with an equally important question: How will you make sure that others know they matter, too?

I’m grateful to begin another year together, and for your partnership in building a community where everyone is known, everyone is needed, and everyone has something meaningful to contribute.